I heard his voice in the living room. He was talking with my parents. They joked and laughed. They asked him how he was doing and all. Joy even joined them but I didn’t. I didn’t want to wear myself out as I was going for all night In about an hour or so.
I would usually try to rest during the day but then, that day was full so I didn’t have the time to rest.
There was a wake keep for my uncle, Late General Danjuma Dyeris and the burial was the next day. We had all just come back, while some were waiting to sleep, I was resting my mind and body to go for the all-night prayer meeting.
He had been away in Lokoja. He had enlisted in the Nigerian Police and had successfully passed all the training and had been posted to Lokoja.
It would have been a delight to see him but I knew we would see the next day after we have come back from the burial as their house was just two houses away.
Coming out would be exerting myself and I may end up going late for the all-night or not going at all. So I stayed in my room and he eventually left.
I left for the meeting somewhere before ten pm. At about midnight my phone began to vibrate.
I checked and it was Ore that was calling me. I assumed it was a mistake as we were together before the all-night. She was actually in my house before he came and she was surprised he was in town as she hadn’t seen him… She eventually left me to rest.
She would later tell me how he called her shortly after he left my house, while in transit as he didn’t go home straight. He was with some other people and they were going to hang out in town.
“Hello”
“Aunty how are you”, he had asked her.
“I’m fine” she replied.
“ I didn’t see you at home and we are going out now but when I come back we will see”
“No problem,” she said to him.
“I love you,” he told her.
“I love you too” and bade her farewell to see later or in the morning.
I ignored the call. ‘She knows I’m in church, I reasoned. This was about midnight. I’ll be home before 5 am, I will call her then. This was barely two hours after we parted, ‘any gist can wait’ I further reasoned.
But she called again and again and again. Then I had a terrible feeling in my stomach and went out of the church hall to call her. Ordinarily, I would never do such, but I felt I had to call back as she kept calling. Something was definitely wrong.
The first thing I said was, “Babe, I dey church. What is it?”
She sighed and said, “it’s Kwasau ooo”. My mind must be playing tricks, maybe I am more tired than I thought because I didn’t understand a word she said.
“I don’t understand. Kwasau?”
“After they left your house, he called me that they were heading to town and we will see tomorrow only for me to get a call to come to Barau Dikko Specialist Hospital to identify his body…”
“I don’t understand. What are you saying?”, I said, confused. Nothing she said was making sense.
“Kwasau is dead. There was an accident and he and another person in the car died on the spot. Two were terribly injured. One is not expected to make it through to morning as he is critical”.
Ha. I still couldn’t comprehend a word she said. I mean …
He was in my house about three hours ago gisting with my parents and Joy. He had gone around visiting people in the neighbourhood on arrival. I didn’t go out to say hello because I was resting to go to church. He would even come to my room on a good day, but I guess their gist with daddy and co took his attention away. That he didn’t even ask of me, which was strange because usually, he would ask after ‘aunty’. If he had, mumsy would have sent for me and I would have had no choice but to come out.
And now she is telling me he is dead? Just like that? I practically listened to all their conversation without participating. I could still hear his voice and the laughter in my head.
“What are you saying?” I asked in denial. She repeated the story. She had already gone to identify his body.
She was calling me because she didn’t know how to break the news to her mum. Wow! After much explanation, I realised she was serious and I had missed the chance of seeing him just one last time.
He was her cousin and an orphan whom her mum adopted. He was jovial and very friendly, respectful and all…
He was a very nice young man. He made friends easily and was loved by both the young and elderly.
Gone! Just like that!
What a loss!
Phew!
I told her to go talk with my dad. He’d know how to break the news but she decided to wait till morning.
I told Joy when I got back into the hall. We couldn’t wait for the night to be over. But for the time, we would have gone back home. We endured the all-night and as soon as grace was said, we left for home. We met her at the gate. We all went in and woke daddy up. It was about 5 am. I doubt if she slept. She broke the news to them. Everyone in my house broke down in tears, shocked. How? He was here for over two hours gisting and laughing with all who saw him.
Apparently. My family members were about the last people to see him alive. He left our house only to be involved in that ghastly accident that took his life. The third person died by morning.
So mummy and daddy went with her to break the news to her mother. We waited a while before going after them.
It was heartbreaking watching as she processed the news of his sudden demise.
We stayed for a few hours and had to go and prepare for Uncle Danjuma’s burial.
I can still remember everything like it was yesterday.
A particular song was his caller tone, “Mercies of the Lord”, by Oritse Femi. Baryat and Ruth cannot stand hearing it. They’d walk away or out of where ever the song is being played.
I regret not coming out to see him. I’ve regretted it over and over. He was my pal, but I just wanted to rest, thinking I would see him the next day, which would have happened if he hadn’t died because even if I didn’t seek him out, he would have sought me out.
There are other similar cases like this.
A person crosses my mind and I tell myself I will call and then I don’t get to call, only to hear later on that he or she has passed on.
Sometimes I even plan to visit and before I get around to doing it, I hear “they’ve passed on.”
Recently my cousin’s husband was on my mind. I told myself to reach out to him because it’s always with my cousin that I communicate. I mostly just ask after him. Funny I knew him even before they met with my cousin so it wasn’t as if he was a stranger to me. I had a strong urge to reach out to him for over a month and somehow didn’t even chat with my cousin ‘talk less’ of asking about him or reaching out to him within that period. I never got round to doing that.
I’m deeply pained because he was buried yesterday, the 16th of June 2021. If only I had reached out then, If only …
Again, I have lost a chance at reaching out and for the last time.
Has this happened to you before?
When someone suddenly crosses your mind or you find yourself constantly thinking about them, quickly reach out. They might not be dying but may just need a word of comfort or affirmation or even a hug from you…
Kindly reach out.
Originally published on https://kimbysvoice.blogspot.com/2021/07/if-only-i-had-know-if-only.html